LIFE AFTER – AMBER CALVER
The doctor folded his sentence
Like a napkin he’d reused
He said it wasn’t dramatic
But it wasn’t good news
I thanked him for his honesty
Like manners still applied
Then I wrote Life After
On the inside of my mind
I made a list in the hallway
Before the air could change
Things like learn to swear in public
And stop explaining pain
I’ll eat dessert before dinner
Buy shoes I’ll never wear
I won’t save the good champagne
For people who aren’t there
This isn’t courage
It’s a schedule rearranged
I’ll tell the truth when it’s useful
And lie when it’s kind
I’ll stop rehearsing conversations
With people who’ve moved on
I’ll say no without footnotes
I’ll say yes without shame
I’ve wasted too much time
Being easy to explain
There’s a life after this moment
After fear takes its seat
After words like manageable
And wait and see
I don’t know how long the hallway is
But I know how I’ll walk through
I’m not living like I’m dying
I’m just living like it’s true
I’ll forgive my body quietly
For panicking on me
It was only trying to warn me
In a language I didn’t speak
I’ll stop calling it a battle
I won’t dress it up as brave
Some days I’ll just be ordinary
And that will be enough
There’s a version of me who stayed careful
Who never raised her voice
She’s still waiting for permission
I already made the choice
There’s a life after the diagnosis
After silence has its say
After everyone’s suggestions
And the looks they try to hide
I don’t need a silver lining
I don’t need to be redeemed
I just want the time I’m standing in
To feel like it’s mine
So if you’re wondering how I’m doing
Here’s the honest truth I’ve found
I’m not counting what I’m losing
I’m counting what’s still around
This isn’t the end of the story
It’s just where I take control
Welcome to Life After
I’ll be here
As long as I’m whole
ON ITUNES & SPOTIFY